thank you jesus for today.
AUGUST 30
Official Dumbass Driver Day
- "We have no fucking clue how to operate a motor vehicle, and we are proud to show off our incompetence."
First of all, I would like to thank all those drivers who came out for Can't Fucking Drive Day as we call it here in Athens. It made my drive home from campus a wonderful experience. I can't even get 100 feet out of the deck and already I'm witnessing the first showcase:
Mr. I don't know where the fuck I'm going in my giant moving truck, so I'll just do a fucking turn around on the ramsey loop. (WHOOPS!!!! BOTH LANES ARE ONE WAY AND THE ROAD ISNT BIG ENOUGH TO DO A FUCKING U TURN??!! I'LL JUST BLOCK TRAFFIC FOR 5 OR 10 MINS WHILE I SIT HERE AND LOOK STUPID, HAVING NO IDEA WHAT THE FUCK TO DO!!!) After finally deciding to get the hell out of everyones way, he then proceeds to drive 20 feet and park his big large nice pos square in the middle of the right lane. HEY! THANKS FOR NOT BLOCKING BOTH LANES!!!! Oh, and don't worry about those pedestrians and the fact that you just parked over the crosswalk. Fuck 'em. Just relax and enjoy knowing that your life is worthless.
Mr. I do not have to turn right on red if I don't feel like it!!!! I'll wait til the light turns green thank you very much. Ok. Fuck you asshole.
Miss whoops I tried to make the redlight, then changed my mind, so I put the car in reverse to get out of the intersection and almost ran over the pedestrian in the crosswalk. First of all, you're a woman. You shouldn't be behind the wheel anyways (just kidding.) But don't worry, the guy you almost ran over was a dirty fucking hippie, so I wouldn't have been mad if you had run him down in your reverse rampage.
Mr. I dont have to use the fucking turning lane, I like the lane I'm in just fucking fine. Yeah, don't worry about the rest of us behind you that your fucking blocking. They only created the turning lane for you to use if you feel like it. They didn't have convenience or safety in mind when they implemented turning lanes. Once again, just say fuck 'em. Asshole.
Mr. I just dropped some kids off the school bus, but fuck 'em, I'll wave traffic around me and hopefully one of the little bastards will get run down. Honestly. He lets the kids off. Then immediately starts waving me around him. I just sit. He keeps waving me. And keeps waving. Then he realizes the real reason I haven't gone around. Oncoming traffic. I didn't really give a fuck about the kids. I hate kids. And schoolbuses. But I really hate dumb fucking drivers. Like you asshole.
In conclusion, thank you all for showing off your abilities to make my trip, and everyone else's who happens to be on the road with you, a total cluster fuck of anger and fright. I'll see you all in hell too.
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5211
i overheard this conversation between unnamed family members this weekend:
what is this?
the terminator. thats ol' arnold.
...
hes a cyborg. you know what a cyborg is dont you. its 2 parts diborg. up north, they call them iceborgs.
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friday was a good day.
dear el capitan:
thank you for a lovely time. im sorry that i was a little out of it. but its not your fault. kyle and keel both agree that you are awesome and we'll have to hang out again soon. im really looking forward to another awesome dt experience together.
sincerely,
crimson.
p.s. - dont let them get you down just because your only a dollar.
p.p.s - ok, so it might be a little bit of your fault. but hey, its just as much our fault too. word.
p.p.p.s. - alright, so fuck you for saturday. it was the worst 3 hour drive of my life. i hate you and i want you to die.
p.p.p.p.s. - i'll see you next weekend.
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the short trip off a bridge
whats a liger?
its pretty much my favorite animal. its like a lion and tiger mixed... bred for its skills in magic.
So Napoleon Dynamite was fucking awesome. it caught me off guard. and i liked that. today in geog we were talking about how architects build malls in such a way that you can't see the other end so you wont know how far you've been walking. aparantly americans are lazy and wont walk much farther than 1500 feet from where they park. so you build a mall where someone cant see how far they've gone or how far they have to go, they'll keep walking and think nothing of it. the prof. asked if this was blowing anybodys mind. half the people in the class said yes. i cursed them in my head. 'in nap. dynamite fashion "idiots!" '
we're about to head to happy hour. dont fear the reaper.
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today in class, our professor made us name
all the slang words we could think of
for penis, vagina, and sex and he had
someone right them on the blackboard.
i could not bring myself to yell out fuckstick.
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no no no, thank you.
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i dont feel very typative right now. but i will declare mel rocked like always.
and that i hate arsenal. and frenchies.
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theyre back
tonight. ga theatre. they return.
be there.
taste it.
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fatality
classes started today.
honestly, i dont remember having a first day like this.
i dont ever remember encountering so many fucking stupid people in one day. ever.
everywhere i went, someone was being a fucking dumbass.
i had to go buy books for my human sexuality class. i wait in line (which by the way is a total clusterfuck at the bookstore) and when its my turn, i get the dumbass to check me out. fuck. The book on top of my pile happens to be the guide to getting it on. he looks at it, then at me, then back at it. then he does one of those fucking little girl giggles. "i should have let a girl check you out...." "its for my human sexuality class." fucking dumbass. "what is that? how do you get into a class like that???" he's foaming at the mouth now. "you register for it" moron. "there any ladies in there?" "well, its not only open to just guys." "are any of them hot?" by this point, my knuckles are turning white. "you know, i didn't really notice." "man, i need to get in this class. i bet your gonna get some 'extra study time' in. have some 'group study' sessions. if you know what i mean..." no mother fucker. i dont know what you mean. i want you to put my books in the motherfucking bag, give me my receipt, and last but not least, shut the fuck up already. "you have a good day and a reeeal good semester." "thanks asshole"
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i just noticed they also have one of those things that you hit with the sledge hammer and the little thing goes up and hits the bell if you get lucky. i can hear it.
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so it appears there is a giant party being thrown down the street. there is a grill outside the size of my bedroom, along with one of those huge blow up things you get in and jump around in. there is also a fucking gigantic basketball goal along with a basketball that wouldn't fit in my shower.
i went to get some food. on the way back, i'm singing along to my breaking benjamin. i like to drive with the windows down. i open my mouth to yell, and get a fucking bug to the back of the throat. fucking smarts man. anyways, when i pull back into my neighborhood, there are like 10,000 cars up and down my road. people are walking through my yard to get to the party.
i'm guessing this is a frat/soro party since today was the last day of rush. no offence to any of you in frats or whorehouses, but fuck you for blocking my driveway. i'll see you in hell.
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Mgr/Supervisor
so i finally took my lazy ass to bestbuy and got the firewire card. it only took about 6 months to get me there. but whatever. i was going through the shit we recorded on the trip to ny and well, i was a little surprised at what was on there. i was most shocked by
the only thing i could think was what the fuck.
i also rented a japanese movie called tell me something. claims to be creepier than silence of the lambs. we'll see about that.
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break the silence
last night was one of those nights where you never really actually sleep. you only dream. the entire you are in the bed you dream. you open your eyes every half hour or so just to realize how long you've been dreaming.
the first i remember was very uncomfortable. the mirror is a gateway. but i dont know to where. its on my closet door. actually, maybe i do know where the gateway goes. now im hovering in my room, invisibile. i see my parents walk in. they uncover the mirror (its covered with a quilt.) there they see where the gateway closed on somebody. i dont know who it is. all we see is his boots sticking out of mirror. unlucky. they think thats it me and get really upset and run out of the room. i dont wear boots. i implode.
im on the edge of the river. i need to cross. i dive on the back of a makeshift raft (or so it appears.) now it appears to be two rafts connected with a small rope. i slip off of the first one and now im on the second one. i look up to the first raft and see a man. i dont really understand how the raft is moving to the other side, but it is. my ring has fallen off and the man on the other raft is trying to grab it. we lose it. i look at the man again. and then i realize that this isnt a man. hes just wearing a body. im not sure if he is an angel or god.
then i realize ive crossed this river before. in the same situation. with him. and i know that he is an angel. god is standing at the edge of the river. he doesnt say that he is god, but i know he is. the man who rode with me walks to him. the man becomes a ball of bright light inside a fish. the ball of light leaves the fish, and flies off into the sky. god picks up the fish and throws him back into the river. neat trick.
now im at the beach. the ocean is out of control. and grey. its everywhere. im on the boardwalk and with my family. and alot of other people. now im in a resturaunt. and my family is with family friends. they have a daughter my age. ive never met her before. she comes over and we talk. later, she tells me that she has a crush on me. her parents do not like this at all. fuck her parents.
today is gonna be a long day.
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its attacking me from the left god dammit. if its coming at me from down the center then i can handle it. but it has to come at me from the left. i feel it swirling in, taking control. or trying to. if i stay down the center, its no problem. the only catch is the light. or maybe the swirl is. either way, relaxation comes. but i feel compelled. how many times have i heard this even though its unfamiliar to me. hell, im not even in my spot.
i took z to the atl airport this morning. i was still drunk after my 3 hours of sleep when he awoke me. we left the actual road a few times, but overall, i think the drive was swell. i didnt take a nap when i got back. instead, ramsey. and what did i get for not napping?
a fucking raquetball to the throat from keel.
lesson learned.
ps - i just noticed the blogger changed to the bar form the ugly graphic. i dont like either one. i want it to die. or just go away. or cover it up.
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stop showing errors for this post
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fuck. man u lost today. and arsenal fucking put the whooooompin on everton. not a good day.
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the monitor ended up in Z's lap but I wanted to keep working anyways.
So. The computer desk died earlier. Me and Z were wastin time and then next thing I know he is holding the monitor in his lap and everything else is on the floor. Oh well. I went and found the cheapest pos I could find. Fuck it. So I spent all night moving the computer. As I'm moving the shit downstairs, I walk into my room and turn the light on, and I see
these 2 characters gawking. What are they staring at?
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V
Keano Gorillo, of course. He's sporting his new t-shirt I got him in NYC.
rock on Keano.
And. I went into the garage and noticed something.
Our supply of road cones borrowed from downtown athens after a late night at city bar has doubled.
well, now desire isn't lonely.
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im happy that my penis is the olympic mascot
MY FACE HURTS
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i took some nyquil and slept through the entirety of legend.
the last 2 and a half weeks have been one long day. one really fucking long day.
it turns out new york city is real and not just a giant set created for ghostbusters. 1 and 2.
i saw it with my own eyes.
the man utd / ac milan game was one of the coolest things i have ever experienced in my entire life. it might even be #1. i'm just have trouble thinking of what the other top 3 or 4 are right now.
the liverpool / as roma game was pretty sweet too.
new jersey is the dirtiest fucking place on this earth (that i am aware of) and i never, ever want to nor will i go back there. god help the people there. and when i say help, i mean damn.
i just bought the new green day single american idiot on itunes for 99 pennies. fuck yeah.
getting lost in d.c. at 3 in the morning is not fun.
It turns out 16 hours in a car is alot longer than you would think.
and yes. we had at least 2 wheels on the road when the pic as taken. i think.
Oh yeah.
I dont got the key key to gramercy park. but.
I got the picture of the sign sign to gramercy park.
notice - charging 150 bucks to install an amp in an explorer with non-motorized antenna is fucking theft. fucking theft i tell you.
i leave you with this:
A baby that can fucking dance
and a gigantic peach.
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