thank you jesus for today.
AUGUST 30
Official Dumbass Driver Day
- "We have no fucking clue how to operate a motor vehicle, and we are proud to show off our incompetence."
First of all, I would like to thank all those drivers who came out for Can't Fucking Drive Day as we call it here in Athens. It made my drive home from campus a wonderful experience. I can't even get 100 feet out of the deck and already I'm witnessing the first showcase:
Mr. I don't know where the fuck I'm going in my giant moving truck, so I'll just do a fucking turn around on the ramsey loop. (WHOOPS!!!! BOTH LANES ARE ONE WAY AND THE ROAD ISNT BIG ENOUGH TO DO A FUCKING U TURN??!! I'LL JUST BLOCK TRAFFIC FOR 5 OR 10 MINS WHILE I SIT HERE AND LOOK STUPID, HAVING NO IDEA WHAT THE FUCK TO DO!!!) After finally deciding to get the hell out of everyones way, he then proceeds to drive 20 feet and park his big large nice pos square in the middle of the right lane. HEY! THANKS FOR NOT BLOCKING BOTH LANES!!!! Oh, and don't worry about those pedestrians and the fact that you just parked over the crosswalk. Fuck 'em. Just relax and enjoy knowing that your life is worthless.
Mr. I do not have to turn right on red if I don't feel like it!!!! I'll wait til the light turns green thank you very much. Ok. Fuck you asshole.
Miss whoops I tried to make the redlight, then changed my mind, so I put the car in reverse to get out of the intersection and almost ran over the pedestrian in the crosswalk. First of all, you're a woman. You shouldn't be behind the wheel anyways (just kidding.) But don't worry, the guy you almost ran over was a dirty fucking hippie, so I wouldn't have been mad if you had run him down in your reverse rampage.
Mr. I dont have to use the fucking turning lane, I like the lane I'm in just fucking fine. Yeah, don't worry about the rest of us behind you that your fucking blocking. They only created the turning lane for you to use if you feel like it. They didn't have convenience or safety in mind when they implemented turning lanes. Once again, just say fuck 'em. Asshole.
Mr. I just dropped some kids off the school bus, but fuck 'em, I'll wave traffic around me and hopefully one of the little bastards will get run down. Honestly. He lets the kids off. Then immediately starts waving me around him. I just sit. He keeps waving me. And keeps waving. Then he realizes the real reason I haven't gone around. Oncoming traffic. I didn't really give a fuck about the kids. I hate kids. And schoolbuses. But I really hate dumb fucking drivers. Like you asshole.
In conclusion, thank you all for showing off your abilities to make my trip, and everyone else's who happens to be on the road with you, a total cluster fuck of anger and fright. I'll see you all in hell too.
posted by crimson @ 3:03 PM 
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