- thats not my real hair in the picture.

- i 'sometimes' laugh at retard jokes, but i fear my children might be retarded.

- i steal. if its not nailed down, its fair game.

- i do not like direct contact.

- sharon stone is out of her fucking mind, but she gets points for going with it.

- there is no good reason why an addiction to porn shouldn't be celebrated. its party time.

- if you think im living a lie, you are probably right.

- ethics are bullshit.

- i dont fucking remember getting ice cream.

- king kong was definately the biggest pile of shit ive seen since pearl harbor. i did, however, enjoy staring at a giant monkeys ass for 3 hours over having to stomach ben affleck.

- i buy dvds because i think my collection makes me look cool. im the only one who ever sees it however, and i think its pretty pathetic.

- sometimes when im in class, i pretend the professor doesn't have a head, and for the entire length of the class, a headless body tries to prove that its smarter than me even though its lacking a brain.

- sometimes i fail the shit out of tests.

- the other night i dreamt that i was a member of the band yellowcard. i played the flute. i showed my penis to a crowd full of 14 year old girls, and then broke my grandmothers urn just to prove how much of a badass rebel i was.

- most of the time when people talk to me, i just shake me head in agreeance all the while thinking what it would be like to slap them in the face, just to get a reaction.